tell me no secrets, I tell you no lies
by CSM
Summary: Summary: Post Limey. Kate drunk dials Castle, confessing her feelings via voice mail.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Post Limey. Kate drunk dials Castle confessing her feelings via voice mail.**

**I was given this prompt on tumblr, which asked for a Kate drunk confession to Castle a la Ross and Rachel from the episode of friends TOW Ross finds out. I decided to take this in a more angsty and drama route as it is a season 4 fic. **

**Fun fact? if you know which episode of Friends I'm referring to, the guy who Rachel is on a date with is Perlmutter!**

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><p><strong>tell me no secrets, I tell you no lies<strong>

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><p><em>If I fell into you, would it be close enough<em>

_If I finally let you in, would you show me what love is_

_Empty Handed - Lea Michele_

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><p>"<em>Jacinda." <em>She slurs out the name in disgust as she leans heavily onto the arm of her chair. She looks across at her companion, her vision swimming, the almost empty cosmopolitan glass tipping ever so slightly between her two fingers. "What kind of name is _Jacinda_?"

She doesn't wait for a response as she presses the rim the glass to her lips and ungracefully tips the glass all the way back. She pointedly ignores the look of pity Colin Hunt gives her. She's had about three glass too many, to care that she's probably being the worst date in history. "He literally met her on his flight home and gave her the keys to his _Ferrari. _Who _does_ that?"

By now she's slurring her words, part of her should care that she's making a complete fool of herself in front of practically a stranger. But the alcohol seems to have numbed her senses including her common sense. In the back of her mind she knows she should do the dignified thing and just leave. But, the other part of her; the part that is completely uninhibited by the alcohol coursing through her veins; is enjoying the release she is getting from just letting all her emotions out. She's been going on about Castle for the past hour, or less, she's not quiet sure.

It's no secret that she's been through the ringer the last year, but the one thing that she was always sure of, the one thing that she expected to stay constant, is Castle being at her side. After four years of working together and then his declaration of love last year, she expected that he would be the constant in her life. That he would be there when she was ready, when she's worked through her issues, he'd be there waiting for her. The reality that she has been totally off the mark, still hasn't sunken in. She's not sure if she's in denial, or if she just refuses to accept the fact that she was wrong all along, or worse, that Lanie is right and she waited too long.

She's not sure who she is more frustrated with, Castle for not waiting for her, or herself, for not telling him how she felt when she had the chance.

The four glasses of cosmopolitans and the lack of dinner, now has her letting out all her frustrations on her unsuspected date. Her date, whom only recently lost someone who was like a sister to him. God, she's a terrible person.

"How about we call it a night, and we get you home?" Colin offers, gingerly taking the glass from her hand.

"I can't sleep with you." She says firmly. Her declaration would seem more convincing if she wasn't swaying in her seat.

"Drink." Colin for his part just chuckles at her as he places a glass of water in her hand, "I don't trust you to get home on your own. No one is sleeping with anyone, and I have a flight to catch in a few hours."

"I can call myself a cab." She says indignantly, which would seem convincing if she wasn't practically sprawled on the table, her elbows supporting the weight of her upper body. She sits up quickly, wincing as the room spins as she fumbles with her phone in the front pocket of her jeans.

"Ah ha!" She says holding the phone up triumphantly, but pouts when Colin plucks the phone out of her hand, "Inspector Detective! Give me my phone."

"It is Detective Inspector." He corrects already backing away from their table, her phone still in his hand, "I'm just going to borrow this while I pay the bill."

"It's redundant anyway." She mutters to herself as he walks off. Castle would have so many jokes about the redundancy of the man's title.

She giggles when she thinks of Castle but then sighs deeply the past few days catching up with her. Things were going so well for them. She thought they were getting close, but then in a blink of an eye things changed, Castle changed, and she doesn't know what to do about it.

She spies Colin Hunt's phone on the table and grins to herself. She leans over the table, her elbow hitting a glass of water and she gasps loudly in surprise, as the water soaks through the dark red table cloth. She looks around the restaurant looking at the other patrons sheepishly, her fingers to lips as she fails to hide her giggles. She grabs the phone giggling loudly to herself as she looks over her shoulder in the direction Colin had gone. She presses the touch screen of his phone almost yelling in triumphant when the phone buzzes to life. She quickly dials out an all too familiar number. If Castle doesn't want to have anything to do with her, then _fine._ She will be just be the one to have the decency to call whatever it is they have…_had_… off…well via phone, it says more than what he has been doing the last few days.

She leans heavily on her elbow, phone pressed against her cheek as she listens impatiently for Castle to pick up the phone. One hearing his voice mail she scowls, her anger increasing tenfold. Her drunken stupor making her forget the fact that she is not calling from her own phone.

"_Cassle_…" She slurs out on hearing the beep, almost as though it spurs on her confidence, "It's Beckett. Why are you not taking my calls?"

She pauses briefly, almost as though she expects a response. When she doesn't get a response she huffs. "Fine…_Whatever_! Just forget about it. You _suck_."

She all but growls into the phone her frustration over the last few weeks bubbling up, "Actually no…_no! _If you're too busy ranking up your frequent flyer miles then I can do the same…wait that sounds like I want my own fight attendant, which I certainly do _not_. I have my very own James Bond...ugh no he's not _that_ sexy."

Beckett grumbles into the phone as his voice mail cuts her off. She quickly hits redial as she spies the bar area for Hunt, once she realizes he's still busy, she turns her attention back to the phone and sighs deeply picking up where she left off, "You know Casssle, I was never _this_ girl, you made me into _that_ girl. The one that doesn't do something, cause she cares about what a _boy _thinks...I'm letting a stupid _boy_ dict...dict..._rule_ how a run my life. Stupid love and stupid boys. It's my fault really, for falling in love with a stupid boy."

Kate sighs dejectedly as she cradles the phone to her face, her eyes welling up with tears. She sniffles loudly before she continues her one sided conversation, "You're the stupid boy, Cassle. If you didnt catch that...I'm in love with you Castle, and I really wish...I wish,I knew how to turn it off. I don't want to be in love with you anymore, if it hurts this much..."

The phone slips from her fingers, as the loud beep blares from the small speaker indicating that the voicemail has cut her off yet again. This time Kate doesn't bother to hit redial, but instead allows the phone to clatter to the table.

"Kate!"

She looks hopefully at the sound of her name, but her entire body sags in disappointment when she sees Colin Hunt making his way towards her. She pointedly ignores his concern expression as she gets to her feet, brushing away his offered hand, " I'm going to head home."

"Let me at least take you home," he offers,

Kate shakes her head, stumbling into the back of her chair, " I'll just get a cab."

Colin looks at her closely, but then nods as he hands her phone, squeezing her palm reassuringly, " I had the bartender call you a cab. I hope everything works out for you Kate."

Kate simply nods at him, not bothering to respond as she makes her way to the entrance. She just wants to go home and forget the past few days ever happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for the reviews, I am so glad so many of you enjoyed this. I haven't planned this out fully but I suspect this fic should be 5 chapters at most, maybe even four.**

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><p>Three cups of coffee, and an Advil later, Kate is still suffering from the worst hangover in her life, or at least it currently feels like it. She tugs her chair closer to her seat, her shoulders hunched over as she props her chin on the palm of her hand. Her eyes are closed, blocking out the florescent lights hanging over her head, since she had to forgo sunglasses inside of the precinct. Her head is pounding and she feels as though a freight train is making the rounds along the surface of her skull.<p>

The sweet rich aroma of coffee suddenly infiltrates her senses and Kate's mouth immediately begins to water, despite the fact that she's already had three cups of coffee for the morning and it's not even ten o'clock. She slowly opens her heavy eyelids and peers up to see Castle standing next to his chair looking at her somewhat amused.

"Long night, Detective?" Castle quips the usual affection in his tone gone.

Kate squints at him, the bright light hanging over his head seems to be piercing her retina's almost as venomously as the way in which Castle has been looking at her in the past few weeks. She frowns on seeing the lone coffee cup in Castle's hand, her head tilting to the side in silent question. Castle shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, under her gaze.

"I..uh.. came to tell you that, I'm taking a break for a while." Castle stumbles with his words, moving his coffee cup from one hand to the next, "I need to focus on some writing. Gina has been hounding me for the last few chapters of Nikki Heat."

"Oh." Kate murmurs.

Kate taking a sip of the last dregs of her cold coffee, unsure what to say to Castle's latest announcement. Neither of them voice the fact that, Castle would rather do just about anything, than meet a deadline, especially a deadline Kate _knows,_ is at least a few months away.

"So…um…I'll see you around." Castle says softly, his fingers clutching tightly around his coffee cup.

Kate's lack of response making the situation even more uncomfortable. Her heart tightens at his words, part of her feeling as though she was taken back to two summers ago as he turns around and walks away yet again and still she's unable to stop him. The pounding in her head increasing tenfold as she watches Castle's retreating figure, but just as he reaches the boys' desk, he suddenly spins around and makes his way back to her. Kate hates the way her heart quickens in eager anticipation as she sits up, looking at him curiously.

"Uh… did I leave my phone charger here?" Castle asks uneasily.

Kate hates that this is what their four years of friendship has turned into.

"It died last night and I never got a spare." Castle continues in explanation.

At the mention of last night Kate frowns, as she digs through her drawer looking for Castle's phone charger.

"What?" Castle asks on seeing her expression.

"Did we talk yesterday?' Kate asks slightly confused.

She pulls out Castle's charger, pulling the USB chord into her compute and offering the other end Castle, knowing he's going to want to charge it before he leaves and part of her hopes he'll stick around for a bit.

"No, not after I left for the night."

Castle is still confused by her question, and she can tell he wants to question her more, but refrains from it. Part of Kate hates the fact that he doesn't respond, but instead just plugs his phone to charge, and turns his attention the blank screen, refusing to sit in his seat.

"Strange." Kate says softly, more to herself than Castle, trying to remember why speaking to Castle last night seems so familiar.

"I just wanted to check my messages, before I go." Castle says gesturing to the charging phone as it lights up.

Kate watches silently as Castle thumbs through his phone, she can't simmer the jealously that builds, when she realizes that he's probably answering Jacinda. Kate freezes at the thought of the other woman's name, the previous night's events all coming back to her.

"Odd, I have a voice message from Hunt."

Kate's eyes widen in horror at his words, she stumbles to her feet moving to swipe the phone from Castle's hand, so much so that her body is pressed up against his shoulders as she tries to grab it from him.

Castle's face goes from confused to annoyed as she tries to wrestle it from him, without calling attention to themselves. His face suddenly hardens, his fingers clenching around his phone as he glares at Kate.

"You felt it was necessary to _call_ me, to tell me you're going to sleep with Hunt?" Castle all but spats at her.

"Castle! No! It's not like that." Kate implores as she jumps to her feet.

She notices that they have begun to gain the attention of some of the officers and detectives in the bullpen, so she quickly grabs Castle by the arm and tugs him into the break room despite his protests.

"Should I even bother to listen to the second message?" Castle all but growls, "Or is it just going to be you and Hund having sex?"

"I did not sleep with Hunt!" Kate all but yells in frustration. They may have been hidden away from prying eyes, but the break room is anything by soundproof.

"So then why the phone call Kate?" Castle snaps as he paces the small confines of the break room, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, "It's bad enough that you can't be straight with me, but instead you decide to call me and…what? Rub it in my face that you're with Hunt? I know you weren't too fond of Jacinda, but I didn't think you'd be so _petty._"

"Castle, what are you even _talking_ about?" Kate is looking at him as though he's lost his mind, "I was _drunk_ and for the last time I did _not_ call you to tell you I was sleeping with Hunt. Besides, that was only half of the message."

She bites back a groan at her own stupidity. It's not like she wants him to listen to the second message, but if she had to choose between the two, she would rather he heard the second than the first.

"Oh, so you're saying I should just listen to another message about you and _Hunt?_"

Castle's voice is dripping with distain, in all the years that Kate has known him, she's never heard him speak like this to her

"No! I'm saying you know me, you know I wouldn't do something like that." Kate growls in frustration. They are going in circles and she just doesn't understand what changed so suddenly three weeks ago."Castle, you know me."

Castle's shoulders slump in defeat at her words, "I thought I knew you Kate, but I guess I never really did. I should go."

"Castle." Kate protests. She halts at the defeated look he sends her before he tosses his still coffee cup into the trash and turns around.

"I'll see you around."

"Castle, wait!" Kate blurts out unsure what she's going to say but knowing if she doesn't stop him, she may never see him again. "I don't want to fight about Hunt. Can we just talk?"

Much to Kate's relief Castle stops in his tracks, but he doesn't turn around to face her as he speaks, "What is there to talk about Beckett?"

"Maybe, what's been going on with you lately?" Kate offers. Her heart hammers in her chest as they skirt the root of their problems and Kate knows that this very conversation can make or break them.

"I just need some time...time away to process things." Castle says softly with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Why?" Kate asks in confusion unable to hide the pleading in her tone, "What happened? I don't understand."

Castle's back suddenly goes rigid at her words and he finally turns to face her, his eyes narrow. "Don't play stupid with me...like you don't know..."

At her blank expression, Castle scoffs, "Fine! If that's how you're going to play it, maybe I was the stupid one all along. Stupid to think that I was waiting for...there was not anything waiting for me."

"But there is!" Kate implores taking a step towards him, but not reaching out to him, unsure she could take the pain of his physical rejection. "I thought we understood... I thought _you _understood that I'm trying..."

"Trying to hurt me?" Castle offers bitterly. The sting in his words are like a slap to her face.

"Castle, you know I would never purposely hurt you." Kate begs, she almost lets her feelings slip but at this point she's unsure if Castle would welcome her confession or not.

"Why couldn't you have just been honest with me from the beginning?" Castle questions, "I'm a big boy Kate I can handle rejection I would have tried to move passed this. Instead, you've been lying to me for months and like a fool I've been following you around waiting for something that was never coming."

"Castle."

"Look I'm sorry. I have to go." Castle says, abruptly ending their conversation before Kate can even respond. He turns on his heel, but Kate calls out to him frantically.

"Listen to the message." Kate pleads, boldly taking his arm and tugging him back into the break room. "Just listen to the second message."

"Beckett, I don't want…"

"Just listen."

Kate nervously bites on her lip as she watches him reluctantly pull out his phone. She vaguely remembers what she said in the second message, she remembers the word stupid and love being thrown around a lot. She knows she should just say it to him, tell him how she feels, but at this point she doesn't think he would listen to her. She just hopes that he listens to her drunken confessions. That, he understands what she's been dying to tell him, but just couldn't seem to find the courage to do so.

Castle's expression for the most part stays stoic, but Kate can see the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. She just hopes that it's a good sign, but her hopes are dashed away when Castle frowns, and his frown continues to deepen with each passing second.

"Is this just all a joke you?" Castle spits, his eyes dark and wild as he shakes the phone in his hands for emphasis.

"Castle…"

"You can't just tell me you don't love me, instead you have to tell me that loving me only hurts you? It physically _hurts_ you to be in love with me?" Castle's blue eyes narrow at her, "Well, I'm sorry for being such an inconvenience to you."

"That's not what I meant!" Kate protests, not believing that things spiralled so quickly.

"Goodbye, Kate."

He barely glance in her direction as he says this, he simply stalks out of the door never looking back.


End file.
